In his grossly inaccurately named five-volume Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy trilogy, Douglas Adams came up with an ingenious character named Wonko the Sane. Wonko called himself that because he had determined that he was the only sane person on earth.
After coming to this conclusion, Wonko decided that the rest of the world belonged in an asylum, so he built a house to contain the entire world. He built his house inside-out. The inside of the house looked like the outside, while the outside of the house consisted of painted walls, furniture, etc. In this way, by going “into” the house, Wonko and his wife (“Arcane Jill”) could live on “the outside of the asylum.”
So how, you might ask, did Wonko determine that the rest of the world was insane? Well, one day he was unwrapping a toothpick and noticed that the wrapper had printed instructions on how to properly use it. He decided that any society that needed instructions on how to use a toothpick was certifiably insane and should be committed to an asylum.
It is with tremendous amusement and not insignificant trepidation, therefore, that I present you with a link to an article (complete with demonstration video, no less!) found this week on no less august a publication than the Wall Street Journal.
Even disregarding the last five months of fantasyland economics and nationalization, this article proves to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that the world has finally gone completely and irrevocably insane.
If you need me, I’ll be at Home Depot getting some building supplies. Heck, I’ll even be contributing to an increase in New Home Construction.
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I also get great pleasure and delight in knowing 2 things.
1. There actually may be those out there that need this degree of direction in their lives – AND -
2. There are others that feel compelled to provide this direction so that the imbeciles may live another day to procreate.
During high-risk times of infection such as the flu season and the latest “pigademic”, my company actually has these exact instructions posted in the restrooms. I love to catch a stranger walking up to the sinks as I’m washing my hands so that I can pretend to be struggling with the complex procedure posted in front of me.
If you can’t figure out how to wash OR your body can’t ward off any adverse effects of not being able to do so, then maybe you’re just not to be. I don’t intend on sounding heartless, but sometimes the runt pig dies and that’s just part of life.
Now with that, I do understand that we make these “instructions” available so that the knuckle draggers don’t spread the sickness. We do afterall, breath the same air.
Excuse me now while I try to figure out the proper dosage of this hand sanitizer.
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